Nonsense Hour: VIP's in Laos (VIP = Violent Impulse to Panic)

Today, we walked across the border from Laos to Thailand. We walked quickly, without looking back, full of excitement, joy and relief. Here is why...

Thailand: the promised land

After a few days in the idyllic north and in the ancient capital, we headed to the political capital, Vientianne. We bought tickets for the VIP bus to ensure we'd get some sleep and we prepared for the grueling 10 hour bus-ride by making sure we were full and exhausted before getting on the bus. The bus was old and cramped, they double-booked our seats, and we left late. But once it was all sorted, we sat down and fell asleep.

ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzZzzzzzz [fart] ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

One hour in, there's a scream in the back. We look back. There's smoke. People shout, "Get out! Get out!" Everyone jumps out in a panic. It's pitch black here on the Laotian mountainside, and we all hang out in the rain trying to understand what happened, which was this: the engine overheated, there was a hole in the bottom of the bus. The overheated engine started spraying scalding water and steam and some of it came into the bus, burning a passenger's leg.

In the meantime, another passenger administers first aid, consisting of pouring some water on the man's burn and wrapping it with a scarf. 20 minutes pass and the driver turns up, looking very relaxed. Warmly, he suggests that we get back on the bus because all is well. (How did he fix this problem, you may ask? We asked just this and he explained that he poured some cold water on the engine, thereby cooling it down and ensuring our safety.)

The locals hesitated to get back on but the foreigners straight up flipped out. The 20 of us bonded together, first trying to reason with the driver and crew, we pleaded for them to call another bus, we begged, and then we resorted to protest. We refused to mount the bus. They couldn't possibly leave 20 of us there in the dark, could they?

In fact, they did just that. So the 20 of us started walking along the road. Fortunately (I guess), the bus broke down just 1 kilometer later so we caught up quickly and - with our bargaining position weakened - reluctantly got on the bus. In order to keep anyone from having to sit above the engine, we all crowded into the first 10 rows and aisle of the bus. And so, for the next 14 hours, we crawled along the road (no AC, obviously, so as not to overwork the engine), stopping every hour for 30-40 minutes in order to pour some water on the engine. The ride was rough. The guitar playing helped a bit, but soon internal unrest (aka, some crazy jerk woman) arose.

A guy started playing the guitar and singing to try to ease up the mood. But he soon stopped because we realized that we needed to keep the noise down so that we could hear potential screams coming from the back of the bus

But finally, we arrived. We kissed the ground, we laughed, we cried, we hugged, and we all vowed to get out of Laos as soon as possible. Why? Because this is just how things work here! This miserable bus was reloaded with people after we arrived!

So, today, we walked - no, ran - accross the Laos-Thai border at Vientianne. There were buses, but we just could not risk it.

This sign epitomizes everything we found problematic about Laos.

How will they know that we threw the towel on the floor and then picked it up, you may ask? Well, we have several theories about it: hidden cameras, sensors embedded in the towel, telepathy...

Our Laos guidebook talks about a country where there's no need to haggle because the people are welcoming of tourists and businesses are not yet overcharging. This was almost true of the rural north, but patently inaccurate and outdated when it came to Laotian cities. There, tourism seems to have entered a new phase: a few people have realized how profitable tourism is - but because there's no transparency and no competition, they have no incentive to provide good service. They seem to count on the fact that tourists have no choice but to use their services once they are there. Generally speaking, we also felt a hostility towards foreigners that we hadn't felt in other places.

We did not like Laos. We loved its nature and landscape. We understand that this is still a rather closed country, which has been through a lot (in particular: dramatic collateral damage from the Vietnam war), is dependent on expensive imports, and is overall in much worse shape than its neighbors. We were prepared for poor infrastructure and a slow pace, but we were also expecting a warm and welcoming country.

You're beautiful, Laos, but so are Thailand, Vietnam, and Cambodia, and they seem to like us better.

Jeremy and Alina,

Getting Out of There